


Butterscotch Candy

by Larxicana



Series: Linked Universe [13]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bullying, Humor, Miserable fast food worker, Modern AU, Standard Legend Swearing, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 09:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21473461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larxicana/pseuds/Larxicana
Summary: Legend works at a coffee shop and every day it's a test of willpower not to throw himself in the coffee grinder. The worst part were these regulars, thinking he liked them. They’d grin at him, ask him the same questions every time, call him buddy and pal, leave him a shit tip, then dramatically throw a hand over his forehead when Legend called him out on his bullshit.Goddess, he hated that guy.
Series: Linked Universe [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1319408
Comments: 19
Kudos: 134





	Butterscotch Candy

**Author's Note:**

> For the weekly prompt on the Linked Universe AU discord. AU idea belongs to Jojo on Tumblr. Bless this AU.

There were some jobs that offered really good benefits, like healthcare, a retirement plan, and a wage where having a savings account was actually possible. Unfortunately, Legend did not have one of those jobs. Instead he was stuck behind the counter of a coffee shop that stole his sanity and his ability to smell anything else but coffee. Some people peel back the foil of a brand new tub of ground coffee and take a deep breath to relish in the smell. Legend would just stab through said foil with a knife entirely too large for the task and dump it into the machine, kicking whatever landed on the floor under the lip of the counter for the sorry sod that had to close that night.

The people were the worst, coming in here with their overly complicated orders. If one more white girl came in here and asked for two half pumps of something or other, he was going to put himself in the coffee grinding machine. Half of them didn’t even tip. It took the death glare from his manager not to spit in their drinks and sometimes that didn’t even stop him.

Then there were these asshole regulars that keep coming in, thinking he liked them. They’d grin at him, ask him the same questions every time, call him buddy and pal, leave him a shit tip, then dramatically throw a hand over his forehead when Legend called him out on his bullshit.

_ Goddess,  _ he hated that guy.

As if the mere thought alone could summon him, said person stepped through the door with that same stupid grin on his face, waving dramatically from across the shop. Legend groaned and let his head drop to the counter with a satisfying thunk. After a few moment came a voice. “That’s just gross. Do you have any idea how many things touched that counter? Now you’ve got your face all over it. That’s how you get sick, Mr. Hero.”

Legend stood up straight to glare at the raven haired man, “Good, then I won’t have to come in and deal with you.” He said, causing that ever dramatic, fake swooning reaction with a hand tossed over his forehead and the other to his chest.

“You  _ wound _ me good sir!”

“Not yet, keeping standing there and I will.”

Having not heard him or ignoring his threat, Ravio, as Legend had the great misfortune of memorizing at this point, perked right back up and smiled at him. “You’re always so grumpy!”

“Because I have to deal with people like you all day.”

“Excuse me, there’s only one Ravio. Do not accept any sort of imitations.” 

Legend groaned, “Ugh goddess! Will you just tell me your fucking order already and leave?”

“Link!” The blonde made a face and glanced over at his manager as he glared and pointed at him. “Language!”

“Right sorry.” Legend turned back to Ravio, “Will-ist thou confess thy fucking order post haste so thy might departure trippingly?” His customer giggled, earning a glare. “Shut up. Stop giggling. It’s not funny.”

“You already know my order. I don’t know why you ask me every time I come in. I think you just don’t want to admit to memorizing it.”

“I have  _ not _ memorized it.”

Ravio continued to smile at him, but something playful shifted in his eyes. “Ok,” he gave, “I would a medium hot tea, one jade green tea and one peach tea bag in the same cup.” He watched Legend grab a paper cup in the appropriate size and start writing on it with a hot pink sharpie. “And with a little bit of lemonade mixed in.”

Without looking up from the cup, Legend asked, “What, no honey this time?”

“Ah ha!” The blonde jumped when Ravio shouted and slammed his hands on the counter. “I knew it! You did memorize it!”

Legend stared at him with wide eyes then glared, but it lost some of its heat when his face warmed from embarrassment. “Fuck you! It’s a standard question! I ask everyone that!”

“You ask people who get a hot black coffee if they want honey in it?”

“Yeah! Duh! Goddess, why do you come in here asking stupid questions all the time?” The blonde continued to grumble under his breath as he turned away from him to make his drink. 

Ravio seemed ridiculously pleased with himself and counted out the rupees he needed to pay for his drink. He set it down by the register and added a piece of butterscotch to it, then looked up at him, “I’ll be right there, Mr. Hero!” He said as he pointed to an overly plush sofa in the corner.

“Stop calling me that!” Legend tossed him a glare then glanced down at the pile on the counter. “And stop leaving me candy! That’s not a tip!” The boy in the bunny hoodie ignored him, as he usually did, and went to plant himself in his seat. 

The blonde grumbled some more then ripped the plastic packaging the tea bags were in open with his teeth. He tucked the string under a second cup so they wouldn’t fall in when he poured in the water and lemonade. 

As he worked he heard snickering from the other side of the counter. Looking up, he saw two guys standing in front of it waiting to place their order, but they were grinning and murmuring to each other. Rolling his eyes he ducked down to grab a bottle of lemonade from the fridge under the bar.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Legend overheard as he pulled out a bottle of lemonade from the back and eyed it. Around the bottom of the bottle it had brown residue on it and the contains had a pale brown hue. He made a face, tilted it side to side, then put it back with plans to use it for that elderly lady who always complained about his pink undercut. He grabbed a new one to use for Ravio’s tea.

“What the hell is he wearing?”

“Oh my goddess it’s so weird.”

“What is he, like five?”

Legend stood up to pour the lemonade into a cup to steam and glanced back over at the two guys. They had those grins on their faces that were just mean, the amused sort that came at someone else’s expense. Honestly the blonde didn’t care because he would make their drinks and they would leave, hopefully never coming back. Well, he didn’t care until he saw them glance at Ravio then turn back to each other to snicker. “Oh goddess it has ears.” One said.

They were making fun of Ravio, more specifically, his rabbit hoodie he was so fond of. Thankfully he was too far away to hear. Legend, however, caught every little bit.

“What a loser.”

“Probably lives with his mom.”

“Fucking nerd.”

Legend combined water and lemonade into the paper cup with the tea bags and set it aside to steep. Turning, he ducked down to dig into his backpack to pull out a lanyard with keys on it, then stood. “Ravio!” He called to get the boy’s attention. As soon as he looked up, he chucked his keys at him, earning a squawk of surprise and terror. Ravio tried to catch them but they hit him in the face instead. Ignoring his groans of pain, Legend continued, “Do me a solid and go get my charger from the car. And don’t mess with my seat! You go in, get my charger, and leave!”

The boy in the hood made a face, “You didn’t have to throw your keys at me! You could have just asked.” Still, he grabbed his own backpack and left the shop to complete his task.

With the boy out of sight, Legend turned to the other two men standing in front of the counter. He gave them a friendly smile, “Hey, welcome. Come on up.” The two men stepped up to the counter and started to give their order. Legend glanced to the back and saw his manager was nowhere to be found. Good. Reaching up, he grabbed the collar of their shirts and yanked them down to slam their heads against the counter with a loud thunk. They cried out in pain, then again when Legend dug his fingers into pressure points behind their jaws. The more they squirmed, the harder he pressed. 

He leaned down to look them in the eye, smile never faltering, “Gentlemen, that fucking nerd you’re making fun of happens to be my best friend, and if anyone is going to make fun of his stupid rabbit hood and call him a fucking nerd, it’s gonna me. So, as I see it, we have two options. You either get out of my shop and never show me your faces again or I show you what happens when I put your dicks in the coffee grinder.” His eyes took on a deadly serious look that caused the color to drain from the men’s faces. “Do we have a clear understanding here?” The men nodded quickly as much as they could. “Fantastic.” He let them go and they quickly scrambled out the door, rubbing their necks.

They almost ran into Ravio in their haste. The boy blinked big eyes after them then turned back to Legend, “What was that about?” The blonde shrugged as he tossed him a bored look, making an “I don’t know” sound in his throat. Ravio hummed in thought as he walked over to hand him his keys and charging cord. In exchange, Legend set his finished drink on the counter.

“There, one whatchya call it. Now get out.” The blonde stuffed his charger in his apron pocket, “And thanks for getting that for me.”

“You’re welcome!” Ravio took his cup in both hands, “We’re still good for movies tonight?”

Legend made a face, “What’re we seeing again?”

“Mary Poppins Returns.”

“Yeah fine whatever.”

“Awesome!” The raven-haired boy started to dance backwards towards the door, “See you then! Don’t forget money for popcorn!”

Legend’s eyes widened, then he glared, “No! I bought popcorn last time! It’s your turn!”

“What? Can’t hear you! Bye!” And Ravio was out the door and gone.

Legend grumbled under his breath. 

_ Goddess, _ he hated that guy.


End file.
